You Are Getting a Live-Action 'Tetris' Movie Whether You Like It or Not

Posted 1:00 PM September 30th, 2014 by Jeff Giles
Tetris

Excepting the odd tax dodge scheme, Hollywood tends to operate under fairly basic math principles, and no matter how catastrophically stupid some of us might find studios' decisions, even the biggest duds do tend to eventually inch toward breaking even, which is why, despite notorious bombs like Battleship and Super Mario Bros., the film industry still insists on making movies "inspired" by toys and video games. Sure, you remember Prince of Persia whiffing and Stretch Armstrong dying in development, but these properties have brand recognition, and you can't beat that!

That at least seems to be the reasoning, God help us, behind the recently announced decision to make a live-action film based on Tetris, a video game some of us remember playing quite a bit back in the 8-bit console days, and whose addictive charms rested largely on the fact that it had zero narrative arc; as long as you had a couple of thumbs with which to move shapes around in order to create larger shapes, you were all set.

But Larry Kasanoff, CEO of the presumably headed-for-bankruptcy Threshold Entertainment, sees the game differently. "Brands are the new stars of Hollywood.  We have a story behind ‘Tetris’ which makes it a much more imaginative thing," he insists, promising, "It’s a very big, epic sci-fi movie.  This isn’t a movie with a bunch of lines running around the page.  We’re not giving feet to the geometric shapes."

Good to know.

Should this news tickle your cinematic sweet spot, you can glean further excitement from the knowledge that Kasanoff, ever the visionary, is already thinking ahead to sequels or shared universes or whatever other madness happens to be wafting around the company's executive suite. "We certainly have the canvas for location-based entertainment based on the epicness," he chortled. "What you [will] see in Tetris is the teeny tip of an iceberg that has intergalactic significance."

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Jeff is an entertainment writer and editor whose work currently appears at a variety of sites, including Rotten Tomatoes, Paste, American Songwriter, Popdose, Dadnabbit, Diffuser, and Ultimate Classic Rock.

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