Review: Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero (What Hath The Goonies Wrought?)

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A horror with threads of gross out comedy, Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero knows very well it’s cheap but loves itself anyway.

After Josh (Brandon Eaton) has a highbrow rehearsal dinner, his friends (amuck with lowbrow intentions) smuggle him to a nearby island for a boozy beach side bachelor party. When the sole girl, call her Penny from the Block (Jillian Murray), goes snorkeling with Josh’s younger brother (Ryan Donowho), they’re freaked out by a pocket of surf lousy with melted fish and gummy carcasses.

This toxic cioppino is the biproduct of a medical lab lorded over by the maniacal Dr. Edwards (Currie Graham) who thinks he’s found the source of the high-speed skin melting virus from Cabin Fevers 1 and 2. Patient Zero is (wait for it) Rudy. That’s a joke—it’s Sean Astin.

Porter (Astin) deserves the role of virus Anti-Christ after the traumas he alludes to suffering in previous Cabin Fever episodes. (Yet, while Sam Gamgee is in all three Hobbits, Porter is in only one Cabin Fever. I have no explanation for this.)

The best part of this Cabin Fever is how it dispenses with any moral obligation. This goopy bio-calamity has the power to wipe out humanity and the first line in the war for survival is frat boys and their communal love interest. These young men and woman are in no condition to shield their ilk from End Times, but the film is above irony (and below everything else) so The Reckoning is for sure totally happening and Jimbo is totally not getting it.

It's good fun.

While half the room laughs at the random acts of dumbness, the other half can be irked by the implications. That’s not bad by my watch. These implications don’t require a higher degree to grasp but Cabin Fever 3 has more than knock-knock-boo scares on offer.

I couldn’t help flashing back on Goonies-a film that sounds like “goopy” without coincidence to this situation, and a film starting Sean Astin when he was a spunky kid. Mikey Walsh (Goonies/Astin) plumed the depths of his little hamlet to find treasure with his friends. Thirty plus years later, a few melting twentysomethings plum the depths of a mostly deserted medical lab to find help for their disintegrating buddies…am I wrong to see a parallel? Right or wrong, any movie that makes a devil out of Mikey Walsh deserves at least a 3 beer viewing on Netflix—at least.

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A horror with threads of gross out comedy, Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero knows very well it’s cheap but loves itself anyway. After Josh (Brandon Eaton) has a...

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